Hey Everyone-

I'm new here and looking forward to connecting. My partner and I have a 2 year old son through adoption and are now expecting TWINS this fall through surrogacy. Heaven help us!

Here's my question: Does anyone have any ideas, thoughts, research, reading materials on gay dads raising daughters? Whereas I feel confident and happy raising my son, I feel a bit overwhelmed by the thought of having daughters.

Thank you in advance for your (much needed) help!

Marc

Hello Marc,

While not 100% new here, I hardly ever log-in to see what's going on. I don't have any particular resources to recommend, unfortunately. But I have raised a daughter from infancy to a 16 year old Junior in high school.

Hmm. What can I say? So much time has passed, or so it seems. When she was a toddler, I remember wanting her to be "well-rounded" and not feel pressured into stereotypical male/female roles nor male/female toys. I made an effort to purchase toys that are thought of as toys for boys and toys for girls. There must have been something genetic going on, because despite my efforts to be egalitarian, she was 100% girl. She chose the dolls over the trucks. She chose to wear dresses rather than trousers. And all of this at the ages of 2, 3, 4! After she had made her clothing and toy choices abundantly clear, I have to admit spending WAY too much time in the very PINK Barbie isle at the toy store. <We still have plenty of doll clothing scattered through the house!>

One thing that will be easier for you than it was for me is changing your infant daughter's diapers in public places. In my day, very few male restrooms had a place to change a diaper. There were many times I changed her on the floor with a rubber mat to keep her up off that floor. Or in the car trunk! Necessity is the mother of invention. Now it seems most male restrooms have changing tables in them.

One early challenge you might have is taking your daughter to the restroom after she is walking and talking and noticing things beyond herself. Taking a 4/5/6 year old into the men's room can lead to some very funny memories! Of course, using the ladies room is an option as well. I did this when the restroom was small. We'd both go in there, and I simply stood near the door anouncing "Man in the room," if other stalls were occupied when we entered.

If I had any resource to recommend, I'd say it is the child herself. She will teach you many things about yourself and herself and the female world. Kids NEVER come with instruction manuals! And don't forget your adult female friends. They come in handy when you have the delightful time of buying her first bra, or her first menses as she begins her womenhood. Oh man.

Paul

hi marc my little girl is 11 going on 21 give her twice the love and half the baceball throwing. don't worry about the barbie dolls her friends will have them even if she doesen't. little girls can pee up too and i think thay have better aim so change that diper fast.
remember for every ounce of love you give her she will give you a pound. btw you don't raise girls thay raise you...... have fun!...bob

quote:

Originally posted by i am here because i am not all there:
hi marc my little girl is 11 going on 21 give her twice the love and half the baceball throwing. don't worry about the barbie dolls her friends will have them even if she doesen't. little girls can pee up too and i think thay have better aim so change that diper fast.
remember for every ounce of love you give her she will give you a pound. btw you don't raise girls thay raise you...... have fun!...bob

Hey Marc...

Not to stress you out, but the converse... Having two boys and two girls I can tell you "boys are easier to raise!" And... most straight Dads and Moms with both sexes will tell you the same thing! So, when you are confused... by the girls.. don't worry, that's normal.

But I think the only good advice is to try and be sure they have a role model, and someone they can just hang with and do girly things with, like an Aunt or a good friend.

And don't worry, you are not the first men to raise girls without a mother in the home. Men have been doing it for a long time, usually if the mother has died, or if the father has custody. It works out just fine.

I am a firm believer that our identifying with our sex role is innate. Yes, I believe genetics plays a larger factor than environment. Let her be her, and she will grow up just fine.

Good luck. You will do a great job!

David

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

Marc,

I'm sorry I didn't see your post from a few months ago, otherwise I would have responded.

I have 3 daughters, now aged 15, 10 and 5. Let me just say that I disagree with those who think that boys are easier. Actually girls are so much easier (in my opinion, based on what I see with nephews, friends' sons, etc).

You know, they are your children, they will have their own personalities and raising them will be not a whole lot different than your son.

I don't know of any reading materials or research for gay dads raising daughters. All I have are my own experiences.

If you have specific questions or would just like to chat about it privately, feel free by all means, to send me a private message.

Cheers and good luck!


Jim

Marc,

How is it now being a father of two girls? I imagine between your three children you have your hands full. I would be curious when you have a chance to hear how everything is going, as well as your experience of surrogacy and adoption, as these are both that my partner and I have been considering.

Regards,

Doug