Hi Guys

Well my lad turned 16 earlier this month, and he is growing up in all sorts of ways. Had his heart broken again by a girl he had been dating for a few months when she broke it off by text message!! What is it about modern relationships, where we dump people we love by email and text messages(happened to me years ago when Chris my guy in Phoenix told me by email, even though we spoke on the phone nearly every day).

He has now pretty much decided that he will only do a couple more years at school, not go on to University, but wants to join the police service. This means changing school, from the grammar he attended privately since he was 5 years old to a vocational college to do a diploma in Public Services orientated to the uniformed agencies.

He is saving to buy a car, he can start driving in 12 months...eeek...but I got him insurance quotes today to highlight an issue...£5000 ($8500)annually to start with!! I am happy to let him drive my car and insure him which will be much less expensive, but he worries that his mum will not reciprocate the weeks he lives with her..sigh.

I know he is under a lot of pressure from his mates to drink alcohol, which they all do, nothing serious, but still he is underage, and they are breaking the law when buying it etc.

He just wants do do all the things I wanted to...and did when I was his age (except make out with guys of course..lol)Letting go, trusting him not to make big mistakes, and to learn from those he does make is hard. He is my only child, I have...always guarded him so closely, he is so precious to me, it's tough.

Any wise words from those of you that have been there?

Cheerio for now...Vincent...xx

Hey Vincey,

Was just chatting with David earlier today about some of these issues... it's a very hard thing to let your kids grow up... but they're going to do it whether we like it or not... LOL...

I've seen my bug through several break ups... some I was happy about, others I was sorry to see end. My girl is such a caretaker that she tends to attract needy guys who end up not working out for whatever reason. But, that's part of being a teenager... and Conor needs to have those experiences. I don't know about you but I'm very against Jess getting too serious too fast these days... yes, she has to do the dating scene and drama... but she's only 19, she has all the time in the world to find the right guy. As does Conor... well, the right girl in his case... hee hee

For what it's worth, my friend, he will learn to drive and you will die a thousand deaths... He will party and you will die a thousand deaths... He will get hurt and you will die a thousand deaths... But, he'll get through and grow as a man.... one has to have those experiences to become a full person, much as we want to protect our children and keep them children forever....

I, also, guarded Jess as closely as I could while she was within my control... and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

Conor will be the responsible young man you have taught him to be... will he make mistakes? Sure. Hopefully, there will be few consequences from that (I'm ready to shake Jesse silly after finding empty beer cases and such in her trunk and some pretty racy away messages on her AIM)... But, the bottom line is, she's doing nothing other than what I did at 19... so, we try and reinforce the lessons and hope for the best... I'm pretty happy with how things have turned out with my bug... and I'm sure you'll feel the same with Conor...

Stay vigilant, my friend, but realize that Conor is at the age of letting go... and that's very, very, very hard...

All my love,

Smokey

Another year has nearly passed....and now my son is 17....

Next week he goes off to Plymouth to board a Royal Navy destroyer for a weeks introduction to working life and opportunities in the Royal Navy. I hope he remains safe when there, but what happens if he falls in love with some aspect of the RN....yeah I know, that could be a good thing, should be what I want him to do, but I just realize that within a year perhaps he might be away...

I shall not bore you with the old tales of why I think he is doing this (to get away drom his mother, but not by coming to live we me full-time because that would hurt her feelings....so he wants to get out there and do his own thing)..but I want him, if he does decide on some kind of military/naval career to do it for the right reasons and not have given up on the chance of going to University, just because that will keep him dependant on his parents (mother) for financial support.

Yes...he is an only child, yes I am and over sensitive and protective Dad....and I should know better having been in the police service when to be so at that time was to be in the most dangerous police service in the world with respect to fatalities on the job etc. I guess we just think things will be different for our kids, want to shield and protect them...and we just can't do that forever.

Cheerio for now...Vincent..xx

Hi Guys...

Ok so the news so far is good... ...first he felt the place they were at and the attitude of staff was like being in prison..lmfao!!!, he misses his home comforts etc, I hope he is a tad more appreciative when he gets home, and now he is so very bored with it. . In all fairness I want him to do what he is happy with, but just not do the navy/army etc yet...he is only 17!!!

So we shall see how the week progresses

Cheerio for now..Vincent..xx

Ok...so he is back after an overall enjoyable week. Upshot is....the Royal Navy isn't for him, the Marines possibly, but much less likely

So as things stand he will continue with his studies for a year or more....however there is a residential with the Army coming up in September ....so will have to see how that one goes!!!

Cheerio for now....Vincent...xx

Good luck, dear! I cannot tell you how much such things scare me. I know, we are supposed to raise them to go out on their own, but it isn't easy, is it? I cannot imagine what you are feeling though, concerned that maybe he is making decisions in order to get away from his mother without hurting her.

Hugs

How this year is flying by...nearly the middle of June and the end of my lads first year at the new college.

Good news is that he has really knuckled down, worked hard and so far has achieved a Distinction(top)grade in all of the 36 or so assignments he has been required to complete. I am also happy that his attendance, meeting of deadlines and overall grade appears to be about the best on his course; AND if he maintains this during the second and final year he will have set something of a record for the course in general and may make a clean sweep when it comes to the course awards. This has become quite a motivating factor now for him and I think will guarantee his continuation in the course for another year...rather than skipping off earlier and joining up!!!!

Unfortunately he still has a testing relationship with his mother at best and a difficult one....if one exists at all with her partner. This has lead to recent arguements and resulted in me being drawn into it inadvertantly. I am very annoyed at the tactics she employed, and there will be consequences, for her, but I will keep those off this discussion board.

This year for the first time he is going away on holiday to one of the Greek Islands with a friend and his father....first time away and not with one of us!! Changed times, he is making more and more of his own decisions and we/I have to let go a little more each time and realize that he is all but an adult. This time next year he will certainly be doing his own thing. I trust he will still seek my advice, but we shall see. His driving lessons are going well, but the test seems a few months away...as much due to his lazyness in this respect than anything else So guys, what new hurdles have you met lately with the kids...and is there anything on the horizon that you are dreading or happily anticipating?

Cheerio for now.....Vincent...xx

Hi Vince,

Jeff here, in NC.

I am working tonight at my office and had a little down time and have been looking over the posts. Yours hits very close to home !

My comments here will be mostly about my oldest son, who is leaving for law school in just a few weeks:

I have 3 children. A 24 year old son, I adopted after leaving my ex wife. He happens to be gay, as well. I have two biological children: a Brand New 16 Year Old Daughter(turned 16 on June 10), and a 13 year old son. My children are my world !! I am so fortunate that all my kids get along so well and love each other very much !!

My oldest son graduated from college this spring and I will be moving him to New York at the end of the summer, so he can attend Law School. Yes, he wants to be a Civil Lawyer.
When I first brought him into my home, I thought this day would be a long time off, however, it is just a few weeks away!! This upcoming Tuesday and Wednesday, we will be touring the school and looking for housing for him in New York. Then, I move him to New York on July 31. I'm just not quite sure how I'm going to do it. I was chatting with Paul on GF this week and we, both, agreed that we are such "Sappy" sentimental dads. I have been really teary this week. Our conversations have changed from, "What are you doing today" to "Have you heard from any of your contacts about housing" or "have you reserved the moving truck" or "Let's start making the list of things you are going to need for your new place".

I'm so proud of him !! He's an incredible kid !! However, I have such conflicting emotions and right now, but the grieving parent is winning out ! My "nest" is losing the oldest child to the world ! I know it's time for him to spread his wings, but it's hard. Really hard ! I want him to stay my kid for just a little longer. At times, I feel cheated that I didn't have him longer, but I so appreciate the years I have had with him.

Reading back over this, it sounds morbid, like he's dying or something !! LOL!! It's not like I'm never going to see him again !! We've already got Thanksgiving and Christmas plans firmed up !! However, my adopted son has lived with me, ever since coming out. He's been my son and I'm proud to say, my friend. Being he's gay, we have a special connection. And he's so proud to have a gay dad. He brings his friends over for dinner, all the time. I feel so apart of his world. I'm really going to miss that "every day" contact.

So, moving my oldest son to New York (which is about 9 hours away)is my hurdle right now. How am I going to be strong for the younger two children, who are going to miss him terribly, when my own heart is breaking. UGH !!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent !!

I don't think we should beat ourselves up for admitting that we love our kids, even when they are young adults and that we will miss not having them at home in the way we have been used to. They are such a huge part of our lives....people we love completely and un-conditionally, and will miss so very badly.Ofcourse we want them to grow, experience life....live independently..but giving up our protective role, not being the first person they turn to for help...to talk to..for affection and reassurance...that is tough.

Our dear bud Smokey knows all about it!!...and yet the relationship changes subtly into something else....and that is the next challenge and joy too

Cheerio for now...Vincent...xx

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Vince in Ireland,

Well said, Vince. And remember I'm only a few steps behind you guys, so I'll be turning to you soon!

First, the driver's license...