Quote of the Week

Said by my seventeen year old son on the phone the other night when both his mother (unheard by me in the background) and I were telling him the exact same thing:

"Why can't you two be like normal parents and disagree on things now and then?"



It's also something of a feeling of "We've arrived" for me. Just over a decade ago when their mother and I split up, my biggest fear beyond the break up impeding my chances to be with my sons, was that they might suffer in the wake of our disagreements.

I guess we've done alright.

Boy, I wish I was where you are already.
I've been away from home and out to family and friends for about 2 years now. My wife still longs to have me home, even though she has a boyfriend (on and off) and even though I've been living with my partner for over a year now. I know her feelings are still hurt, but it's been difficult for either of us to truly move on.
My son is still very uncomfortable with me being gay and feels deceived and a little abandoned. I only live down the street from him and I see him almost everyday, but the pain is still there.

Where would be the best place on your site to post my story so I can get some feedback from other guys like me?

Thanks,
Chuck

Chuck,
It appears to me that no one is very happy all around. Not your ex wife and your son and I can only imagine what your partner is thinking. You need to stop. You have already made a huge decision to come out. Great. You did that for you. Now, the most important thing is your son. It is unfortunate that your ex still has feelings for you and it is I am sure affecting your son. Maybe, you need to redirect your living situation with your partner and include your son as part of your world. Seeing your son almost everyday may not be enough. For him. Think creatively and include day trips or adventures or dinners at your home, what are his interests? Get involved in his world. Place emphasis on him. It might appear to him that you have what you want and he is left alone. Maybe lay off of the gay partner thing and educate him the importance of friendship first. Communicate. Pay attention to the tension. I am sure your son looks towards you for guidance. Find a way to lighten up the situation. The air is far too thick. Maybe he needs a break from your ex wife? What are the suggestions from your partner. Your not feeling pressured from him are you? Glad you are here. Let's hear more. The other guys on this site are pretty cool.

Chuck, thanks for posting! I admit, it took a long time and as H might say, a lot of positive thinking to get to where I am. But unfortunately in my situation there was the thinking of other family members, my former wife, her parents, people at the church where my children attended... all of these were circumstances and personal views of others over which I had no control.

In such a case, positive thinking certainly is helpful, but it also calls for a great deal of courage and just lovingly stubborn determination to take the "high road" over a long period of time. As is said often around GF, the key thing is that relationship you have already developed and continue to nurture with your children. If you can keep that going and growing in the midst of all the other storms life is throwing at you, you can accomplish amazing things.

Do what you can do and make the best decisions you can. Then stick to them and move on. That's the kind of advice that was given to me once, and it helped. There has been a lot more of course over the years from some very good men, some of them are members of this site.

Go over to the "Getting to Know you Board" and tell your story there. Sometimes just talking it out helps to sort it out.

I'm so glad you are here, Chuck!

Yours,
David

S,
H?

So I can't call you H for short, huh? I am forced to complement your visage every time I address you. Sigh... Oh, alright!

Handsome.

Tee hee... sorry, just being silly

Son of Walt,
Thank you. But my intention was never to think that the word "Handsome" just meant visual. For me, I use this name because I see it as technical, as it relates to my work. But as I continue to post on this site I can tell you I am feeling more like an "odd duck". Guess, I better watch my wording.

I'm sorry, Handsome. Maybe I need to watch mine, friend. Because that was supposed to be a joke. I was ribbing you, that's all.

PS... perhaps you didn't notice the tee hee, I'm just being silly part.