I am chuckling to myself as I type this, infact I want to laugh out loud, not sure why whether out of relief or surprise that I find myself in this curious position because it seems so bizarre. However I digress.

I haven't spoken to my parents in ten years, for reasons I have mentioned before but are not important enough to go over again here. Needless to say ...nothing to do with me being gay....I think...lol. Anyway, so I was talking to my Mum for the second time in a month after a lull of ten years and after further comments regarding whether I might meet a nice woman and get married again, I decided to tell her I was gay etc etc blah blah blah. I always thought she would be ok with it, might even suspect, as once when I was 19, a few short months before I introduced her to my then to be wife, she told me it was ok at my age to be unsure about yourself and not know sexually what was what. The conversation did not go beyond that (can you imagine the embarrasement for me....although very sweet and loving of her at the time) and it was never mentioned again. My Dad always made it clear that he hated, despised and abhorred queers, so atleast I knew where I stood with him!!!

So Mum said as I expected that it changed nothing, she had no issues with it, never had and had always wondered about me in that respect. She says my sister will be ok with it....and even my Dad who may suspect might be ok too . On that I have assured her that there is no need to tell him at his age (he was 70 this year) and induce a heart attack, much as I have said in the past that I would like to see that happen and be there to watch him suffer....

So who knows, maybe I will get to see my Mum....even my sis and nephew in time.....and there will be no secrets...

Cheerio for now...and take heart if you are in/close to/hanging around the closet!!

Vincent....xx

Isn't it amazing how our worst fears often fizzle out like fairy dust when they meet reality?

I mean, yes, my coming out was hard in many respects, but in the end there was such a weight off my shoulders that it was worth it. And often what we lose wasn't worth keeping.

The only things worth keeping were the relationship with children (and I think the new honesty helped improve that even), and my own self respect and integrity. The job? The church? The people who couldn't understand? Ah well, we are often better off.

And I love these stories where you tell people and they say, "Yeah?" As if to say, "so what's your point? We figured you liked guys, what's the big deal?" lol...

Vince, I am happy that you'll get to talk to you mother and some family without any secrets. The relaxed freedom of being able to share your life more openly with them was not something that you expected at all.

I need to post about our recent time together in your home! What a joy that was and how sad it was to leave... but, hey, now we have next year to plan!

I decided a few years ago, when I came out to myself that I would also come out to both my parents at the same time. Mom freaked (LOL, cos after that she was ok with it, once I convinced her she didn't do it... ), my Dad was fine with it right away! Sorry but happy to say.. that coming out to My Mom and Dad was uneventful! I even had a letter ready in case they kicked me out of the door... but then again, I was also 40 and they knew I must know myself by then.

All my relatives have accepted me as well... kinda seems weird, eh? Most of my rel's are staunch Roman Catholics to boot!

Vince, glad that you came out to your Mom... Is your Dad sick? Is that why you don't wanna tell him? I know that I when my Mom passed away in October, that she knew exactly who I was and that we were still parts of the same loving family.

Congrats Vince! As out as you appear to be I must say I was surprised to hear the family was not all clued in yet. Big weight off though, don't you think? My mom's first words were "you have to be who you are". If I'd only heard that from her 20 years earlier. Of course... she probably would not have been ready to say that 20 years earlier.

It all works. Now if I could just get up the nerve to come out at work I could actually claim to be 100% out of the closet!

Vince... telling your Dad won't kill him. Really. Might actually cause some closure for him and maybe even heal some old wounds... might explain some of the distance between you perhaps? And, if you feel so badly about him, does not winning his approval after you tell him really matter? Just a thought... good luck to you!

David

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

Hey guys....thanks for the comments.

David I can understand your suprise re my family. Fact is I haven't seen or spoken to them for over 10 years, and I only came out as such about seven years ago. Unfortunately I had a deep and painful disagreement with my father on Xmas eve all those years ago. It related to me being a police officer, politically he had an opinion, which he stated very forcefully and with language that was extremely offensive to me in front of my then 5 year old son...some Xmas Eve I can tell you.

After I told him that I wouldn't put up with this type of behaviour he almost tried to get physical with me....so I left and told my mother that to protect my son and to be honest to avoid these types of arguements and the bad feeling flowing from them I wouldn't be back home again. I made it clear I wanted to keep contact with my Mum and sister, but it became very obvious within a few weeks that, for various reasons they choose to keep close with my Dad, and as a result I never saw any of them again.

I have many regrets in that respect for my son and my Mum as that relationship was broken, as was mine with amongst others my dear nephew and Godson. However that is how it goes sometimes. I have done my best by my family and my son, and now there maybe a chance for atleast some kind of regular contact with my Mum, whom I have missed.

As for Dad, lol, he always made clear is abhorrance at the idea of poofs and queers, and to be honest he had little better to say about people of colour. Very much a man of his times who had been 'harsh' with me as a young man. He did tell me once that he decided when I was born that the best way to bring up a son was to keep him scared all the time, then there would be no problems..lol. I made a very different promise when my son was born. We both kept our promises and well that's why things are the way they are today. IF Mum does tell him, well I don't give a rats ass how he takes it, heart attack...well that's life. I have no reason, inclination or desire to see him again or have him in my life or that of my son.....OR my lovely Partner either.

I think to be honest we do pretty much know how our family will react to our coming out. I always knew my mother would be fine with it. Why so many guysyoung and old today still choose not to share this part of their lives saddens me to be honest. So I guess do it....or don't do it as is the case because of irrational paranoia, some due to worries about financial consequences, some selfishly...others because they lack the spherical objects to do so.

Out is best no matter what I think...that kind of personal integrity is all we have more often than not...so why diminish it by living a lie.

Harsh words?...hey I'm tired and read blogs every day of closet cases, especially young guys who have such irrational fears it's laughable!

Cheerio for now...Vincent...xx

Vince,

As you know, I knew about this story, but never pushed or asked for the details. It explains a lot though. And who could blame you? More importantly for me, knowing some of these things about your life deepens my understanding of a man I deeply adore and respect.

Thanks for talking about it here.