GayFatherhood

Hello fellow gay fathers!

I've been around this site for a few years but lately, maybe since the beginning of the year I've been very absent. I thought I might share a few things with everyone in hopes of perhaps being a positive voice out there for some who might feel some similarity.

I've been divorced nearly 4 years now (wow how time flies!). After 15 years of a dysfunctional marriage, it took some time for me to figure out where I was going. In the last 3 years I've dated a few guys and like everyone says, you have to kiss many frogs before you find your Prince. It's not just kissing a few frogs, you have to work your way through a maze of tremendous disappointment and heartache. If you're like me and you've gone through the ropes of a hetero marriage, then I think it makes life and recovery more complicated. This past year has brought a huge pile of disappointment.

However, sometimes the stars align just right and you are at the right place at the right time and you actually do meet your sweetheart. I think it's finally happened to me! And to make it seem more like the stars were actually aligned JUST right...let me tell you a secret.

I had rarely (and I mean you can count on one hand) ever gone out locally to the gay bars. One weekend after the 4th of July, I decided I was going to just go out to a bar that's not something in my comfort zone. I met my man at a leather bar, yes I know that sounds sleazy but it wasn't. Hey, we were the youngest and most in-shape in the whole place (it was southern bear night or something....lots of really big hairy bois there!). We immediately connected and after talking about life and where we've been, lived, worked, etc (he was visiting from Chicago), it turns out we both know someone in common from the midwest, someone who is also a gayfather here. What a coincidence!

So now the stars are aligned.

We've had a long distance relationship because his employer has talked about him moving here to Atlanta, but now that seems to be on hold. I don't care, we're still moving forward.

The bottom line here....you never know where and when you'll meet your love. Life is a crazy journey.

I'm extremely happy (for once, yeah!).

I have no expectations. I only know that there is someone that I'm in love with and he with me.

We're planning on him meeting my kids in early November during a visit here, so that when he comes to spend the week of Thanksgiving here, they'll already know him and it hopefully won't be such a big deal that he's staying overnight and in my bedroom. I'll let you know how that goes. So far, my daughters have been very supportive of guys I've dated. They've only met 2 previously but never had anyone overnight.

I hope that my message can be taken as a positive sign to another gay father who might be in similar shoes.

Cheers to everyone.


Jim

Congratulations Jim !!

It's wonderful that you have discovered love...where you can love and be loved...

It seems to me that love seems to find us when we are least expecting it and definitely not looking for it !!

Good luck to you guys !

You know Jim....Jeff is right, I don't know how many times I have told friends to stop manically looking for a guy by trawling sites and sitting online for hours...and just get out and on with living life and be open and prepared to be suprised by what happens ...and take an opportunity when it does present and see what happens.

Being gay and a father, has it's additional responsibilities but I know from personal experience and that of friends and other dads is, that whilst we may be a minority within a minority(8% of gay men are involved in parenting)...what often matters to the prospective b/f...partner etc is the person we are ...not the fact that we have kids. Often gay guys who are not parents genuinely envy our position or admire us for the role we choose to play. It is I think more often than not seen as a positive attribute. Ok there is a balance.....first date talking none stop about an ex...our kids etc,well that can possibly not be the best way forward.

So I trust Jim all is well...and the plans you guys are working on keep all involved happy. Great news and go luck.

Cheerio for now...Vincent...xx