I'm a single man....who happens to be divorced and admittedly gay. I'm the father of 3 wonderful kids. I have a full and part time job. I'm redecorating / remodeling a house. My life is full...very full. However, every now and then I feel lonely....desiring a "significant" other. I've been exploring those feelings lately. Am I desiring just sex? Well....that wouldn't hurt !! But....it's a deeper feeling. I have a good life....A very good life...but there seems to be something within me desiring someone to share this life . Am I in a culture stressing the importance of a significant other? Am I being led to believe I can't have a full and meaningful life as a single man?
I'm not going against the flow and choosing to be single the rest of my life. However, I'm not on the prowl either...searching every online dating service....bar...or other venues....looking for a man. I'm not that lonely....and besides, I'm way to busy with my family.
I've been single 3 years now....I've dated a few men. Most men I'm discovering feel like a date consists of dinner, movie and sex. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge advocate of sex....less anyone thinks I'm a prude....However, a 1st, 2nd or 3rd date is not a license to make the move for sex. What has happened to developing a friendship....giving the friendship the time to blossom into something special and significant ? I'm discovering we (gay men) jump from the meeting to the bedroom...then get dissillusioned, move on to the next available man...leaving a wake of men who are increasingly insecure with themselves. Don't any of us believe in "treating others as we, ourselves, would like to be treated"?
I'm discovering men in the 30's / 40's are usually categorized in 3 ways;
1. Taken ( I'm discovering I'm a rare breed of gay men who believe if you are taken that means you are off limits. I'm amazed how many men will cheat. )
2. Damaged (A high number of single men in my age category seem to have a lot of emotional baggage from previous relationships and are emotional cripples...unable to enjoy a healthy relationship.
3. Selfish (Another group of men are the ones who have been single way to long...This man is stuck in a rut and expects everyone to bend to his wants...needs...schedules. This man is the type who does not understand or chooses not to understand the necessity of the "give and takes" in a healthy relationship. This man usually just wants sex...nothing more).
I do believe there is a fourth man, but he's an endangered species. He's a single....working....man...who enjoys life....giving back to the community and not just wrapped up totally into his own little kingdom. He's emotional available and ready for a relationship...but waiting for the right friendship to come along to blossom into something meaningful and significant. However, as he waits for that friendship/relationship...he continues on with an already meaningful life

There is the fourth kind!! There is one aspect, though, you forgot to mention. The part of accepting that you are a father!! Remember, that being a dad comes first!!

I have in no way forgotten my role as a father. My kids have and will always come first in my life ! Maybe I should have explained that further in the posting..but thought it was understood being my other posts and comments express my utmost dedication to my family.

JustJeff,
I agree. I think it is understood that we are all father's first and foremost. What you shouldn't do is suppress your own feelings and needs. I certainly appreciate your coming forward with what you are going through. Tough isn't it? It is a very small playing field. What makes it more difficult is that you just don't want to keep meeting Tom, Dick and Harry. Our situation is unique to a lot of gay men. Like I said before, it would be easier to meet another gay man who is a father as well. Someone who is going through the same thing at the same time. I know...dream on, but I'm hopeful. At least, for now being here is a good and healthy start. Say by the way...let's start sharing those funny little things our kids say that make us smile and giggle and feel so terrific. Just because.