My hand gently placed over my lips. My eyes drowning in tears. I cry everyday. I am an artist. 54 years of age. I raise my 6 year old son all alone. My tears live in a closet, always hidden from my son. Although there have been times when I wanted to curl up in the corner of the living room floor. I have been raising my son since he was a year old. The woman I married left us for Manhattan. I have been gay since the age of 13. I have been in 2 long term relationships with men. The second for 10 years while living in Los Angeles. It ended in 1993. It has left me sheer ever since. I am a very active artist. I bring my son to all of my meetings in Manhattan. We live in a rural town in upstate New York. I have him involved in my life completely. There are times when after dropping my son off at school, I rush back home only to throw myself on the kitchen floor in tears. Feeling drained.
I have always been sensitive and very emotional. But also very strong and determined. I yearn to be held. I yearn to be kissed. I yearn for love. I cry everyday.

Hi there,

Welcome to Gayfatherhood !

I hope you find Gayfatherhood as helpful as I have over the last year or so. I have made a really good friend, whom I chat with almost daily. I hope you will find that as well.

I would like to know more about your support network. Are there any people in your life, who know you and who you can be completely honest?

Good luck....hit me up if you need to chat.

Jeff

quote:

Originally posted by Handsome:
My hand gently placed over my lips. My eyes drowning in tears. I cry everyday. I am an artist. 54 years of age. I raise my 6 year old son all alone. My tears live in a closet, always hidden from my son. Although there have been times when I wanted to curl up in the corner of the living room floor. I have been raising my son since he was a year old. The woman I married left us for Manhattan. I have been gay since the age of 13. I have been in 2 long term relationships with men. The second for 10 years while living in Los Angeles. It ended in 1993. It has left me sheer ever since. I am a very active artist. I bring my son to all of my meetings in Manhattan. We live in a rural town in upstate New York. I have him involved in my life completely. There are times when after dropping my son off at school, I rush back home only to throw myself on the kitchen floor in tears. Feeling drained.
I have always been sensitive and very emotional. But also very strong and determined. I yearn to be held. I yearn to be kissed. I yearn for love. I cry everyday.

Hello

I am so sorry to read that you are not feeling happy and that you feel lonely raising your little boy on your own.

Being in NY, it should not be too difficult to join other gay parents groups or associations that can help you on the loneliness part of it.

For both your sakes, do not go through this on your own. You need to meet some people and talk to other parents.

All the best to you both.

Jorge
in Belgium/Gabon

Hi There,

Sounds like you have potentially a great life....young son, live near NYC, have been out most of your life and had stable gay relationships....have your art and the life that affords you, so why are so so helplessly miserable at times?

Do you feel isolated as a single parent who is gay, or is the issue more to do with your personal relationships with other guys as a gay man looking for love? Surely there are opportunities in NYC for you to find support and companionship in both respects? Tell us more....but do look forward to 2008 as the year when you wish for the changes you want, ask for them in ways that you can think of, never doubt that they are achievable or that you are deserving of them, and always visualize having and being the person living the life you want.

Cheerio for now....Vincent...xx

Isolation is a very big concern for me. Yes, we live near NYC. I lecture at New York University. My life is exposed exactly the same way as I wrote my introduction here. I use my life experiences in my art. Text is very important to me. Although, I am not a writer. I am constantly seeking answers. Why I feel the way I do. I have tried to reach out to support groups and prominent gay men in the area. The response is always the same. "You have a child". I guess they see me as an older man (well not bad looking really) with a baby. They don't want to relate on that level. I understand this. Most gay men can't relate to being in a relationship. Period. You've heard the score before, "Why yes, I know what it is to be in a relationship, mine lasted two weeks". My life is unconventional. And I am raising my son this way. At the age of three he was madly in love with Peggy Lee. Right now at the age of 6 he is digging Bette Davis. And can recite some of the lines in several of her movies. Our home is surrounded by art. His first book choice for school this year was on Salvador Dali from our personal library. I talk about him in my lecture. I talk openly and honestly about my life in the public arena. I run a studio on Main Street. I am renovating a building. I am raising a 6 year old son. All of this on my own. At this age. Heck yes, kiss me, somebody.