Hi,

We are a couple from Louisiana. We have been together for over a year and joined together in a civil union in Memphis, TN on February 28th. We are currently discussing adoption and looking into our options. If anyone has any advice please let us know. Well, we are Brian and Kip. Brian is 23 and is divorced. Brian has a biological child named Bailey. He is 4, and Kip is 26. We are currently building a house in Denham Springs, LA. We actually met on April 8th in a chat room and hit it off. We had our first date two days later at McAllister's Deli and we enjoyed a wonderful lunch together. After that we were pretty much inseperable. Our love grew from there and we knew that we were destined to be soul mates. Our journey hasn't been easy by any means. We have our ups and downs with non excepting parents and deal the best that we can. We are currently experiencing issues with Brian's ex-wife. We have full custody of Bailey and she is now wanting custody because we are gay. Bailey who again is 4 decided to call Kip daddy. He made that decision himself and he mentioned that in front of her and she wasn't pleased. However she now lives with her boyfriend in which she told Bailey to call dad. Her boyfriend mind you is on his second DWI. We have a feeling this will be a long drawn out affair as was Brian's divorce to her back in 2004.

The story with the divorce is a long excrusciating one. His ex-wife became pregnant in December of 2000 when they were seniors in high school both at 18 years old. The news came when they had taken a trip to the clinic to get her birth control. Brian was under the impression she was already on birth control, but he took it like a man and stood by her. He put his college on hold. Married her after graduation in June. Bought a mobile home in October and sold it the following December to buy a house. 4 months after buying the house she proclaims she doesn't love him anymore because he doesn't have a farmers tan and doesn't hold a job where he comes home sweaty and smelling like a man. This was in April while he was in Nursing School making his dream to come true to finish college. Thats when all the troubles started. He had to drop out of college because she gave him the ultimatum of her or school. That June, while at work, he gets a phone call that his father who was working in New Mexico was having heart trouble and he needed to fly out immediately. Never having been on a plane nor to New Mexico was just added stress. Luckily his father was ok. That same year he lost his grandfather in September and great grandmother in November; while his grandmothers health was fading. January of 04 his ex-wife turned 21 and the day that happened their marriage was over. Every weekend and some weeknights she was out partying while he was home raising a 2 y/o. So Brian was extremely depressed and losing weight daily decided to go to the doctor and get medicine for depression and nerves. He got down to a mere 93 lbs. Shortly after in March of 04 while at work he gets a phone call that she was moving out and in with a girl who had 3 kids of her own that she had only known for 3 weeks. The phone call was on a Wednesday. Wednesday night Brian picked Bailey up from daycare and brought him home with him. Thursday he went to work as usual. At one o'clock on Friday morning his ex-wife calls and tells him to come get Bailey because she couldn't get him to go to sleep. So he gets up and gets dressed and picks up his son. The following Friday she was supposed to pick him up from daycare and she called that day to say that she was going to a party and he needed to get Bailey. Well he did but that night after Bailey was in bed he had a mental breakdown brought on by the stress, anxiety, and the medicine he was taken. He overdosed on benadryl. In a weary state he called his cousin in Memphis, TN and explained that he had made a mistake and she called his step mother who rushed him to the emergency room. He spent 4 days in a locked down facility recooperating from the incident and getting himself on the correct path of life again. The road didn't get easier though. He forked out thousands of dollars on attorney fees and court costs to come to the verdict of her agreeing to joint custody. Through the divorce process his ex decided to tell him that she never loved him and had gotten pregnant on purpose so that she could move out of her mothers house and she knew Brian would take care of her. November of 04 their divorce was final for her to turn around and sign her rights over in January of 05. So he went on to raise his child as a single father until he met Kip. Now up to 115 lbs and climbing from 92 lbs, doing well and happy. I, Brian, have learned a lot in my short 23 years and have a great deal to be proud of and have gained a lot of knowledge from past mistakes. You live an learn right?

I'm sorry this story is in 3rd person for the majority however this is our introductory to the site.

Take care everyone and thanks for caring!

Brian & Kip

Hi Guys,

I think sometimes we forget that in the 21st Century gay men still have a hell of a lot to deal and cope with. I also think that without the support of friends and family, the acceptance from the community we live in, positive role models to reinforce the validity of our perceptions and emotions.....we are so very vunerable to our own self doubts and consequentially as the stats show, more likely to self harm.

Sounds like You and Brian have come through quite a journey so far, and despite all the troubles and issues are putting a stable relationship, family home....and Bailey top of your list....which is fanatstic to read. We all live and learn, each and every day Kip. Thanks for sharing this, here you have found a great place where men who are gay and involved in bringing up children can find and provide support,love advice, friendship....and sure a kick up the ass if that is required too.

Good luck guys and keep us in the loop, let us know more about how your lives are progressing...the good and the bad. I trust the house building schedule is working out, and it is great to hear that Brian is physically on the mend too ....the love of a good man must have something to do with that!! Bailey is a lucky wee guy to have two dads who love and cherish him.

Cheerio for now...Vincent..xx

Thanks for the introduction! We talked about a lot of this on AIM recently and it's been delightful to meet you and have you join the group.

Now how cool is that? My son invites me to his myspace, causing me to create my own, causing you to stumble into said space and now become part of this great community of dads! Hopefully, you'll see here that you are not alone in many of your struggles.

Thanks for taking the time to share your story here. Feel free to link to your myspace if you'd like or post pictures of you, kip and Baily here on the photo albums. Sorry that I have been so sporadically on and offline lately (work and recovery issues), but I'm looking forward to a chat again very soon.

Hey, I just realized we need a hug icon... Wizard? Any idears?

Hugs!
David