Hello fellow Dads:

I'm JNez, a single Dad of 3 daughters here in the Bronx. Their mother & I met eleven years ago and separated in 2002. We live 15 minutes away from eachother, with the two youngest daughter's school serving as the midpoint between our homes.

I enjoy an unusually close and supportive relationship with their mother, which is remarkable considering that i was struggling with sexual addiction/compulsion while we were together and was unfaithful to her. This is even more remarkable because when we met, I told her that i was same-sex attracted and also HIV positive. Our story is quite intense and I've written about it on my blog, which i'll provide the link to shortly.

My ex and i share caregiving arrangements as follows: i'm a stay-at-home dad, so i pick up the kids from school every school day. they remain with me Monday & Tuesday nights, and again Thursday & Friday nights. That gives me Wednesday evening, Saturday afternoon/evening, & all day Sunday to resist acting out my same sex attraction with anonymous strangers. Believe, me it's become a lot easier since I went on antidepressants two years ago, but it is still a struggle that i've also chronicled in my blog, along with a few other vices.

the one constant, however in my life is my love for and dedication to my daughters. they provide stability, accountability, a feeling of productivity, and a purpose for me to rise to my capabilities. i feel really great about what i'm doing with and the type of relationship i have with them. i take my responsibility as a parent very seriously and am always at my best when they are with me.

having said that, as a man who struggles with severe depression, HIV, alcoholism, and sexual compulsion, there are times when i am overwhelmed. thankfully, it is usually on the weekends, which i spend writing or reading blogs, watching sports, and waiting for 6pm so i can start drinking. i'm getting real close to being fed up with this destructive pattern, and the lack of motivation that has ensued over the last few years or so. I'm 12 credits shy of a bachelor's degree i started pursuing in 2004 and had goals to teach. Before HIV related illnesses forced me to quit my job in 2003, i'd spent 8 years doing and coordinating case management services for HIV maintenance & prevention programs. i'm certainly employable, and with the undergrad degree and my intentions to also pursue a graduate degree, the plan was to stay out of work for 6 years and return in some advisory or consultant capacity. But i've fallen a little behind on my goals and need to get back on track.

I've already made this longer than i wanted. of course there's more, but this is an introduction. i look forward to reading about and relating to everyone's story and experiences with fatherhood and same sex attraction.

Please check out my blog to read more about my story: JNez@thirtydaes.com

Hi JNEZ - I am just now getting around to responding to your letter. I am just north of you in Mount Vernon. You sound like a great DAD. Sorry that I am making this so short but I did want to introduce myself since we live so close. Maybe we will be able to meet up if we get a chance. I travel alot for work but would enjoy chating with you. I visited your blog. It is very interesting. You sound like you ahve done alot in a short time.

Best to you and your family....Alex
PS Hope to hear from you!

JNEZ,

I know I sent a welcome email, but my apologies about half of the info being screwed up! Anyway, like AB, I wanted to take a moment to welcome you officially onto the message boards.

I read your Father's Day post on your blog and I have to say how refreshing it is to see a man in the midst of struggles who is facing his demons head on. I admire your efforts and your excellent example.

Welcome! And to you and all our dads, I hope your Father's Day was joyous. I'm feeling bad now for not making a Dad's Day post of my own.

thanks AB & Son of Walt for responding & visiting the blog. i'm open to meeting up guys so let me know. Mt. Vernon is just north of me and with the summer in full swing, let's try and plan something AB.