Hey to everyone from a newcomer..in more ways than one!

I'm a gay dad of three wonderful kids! I'm 52 years old, but got a late start with family life. My oldest is a 15 year-old boy (he'll be 16 in March), he has a younger brother 11 years old (12 in April) and a baby sister who just turned 10 last month. In February 2006, I decided that I had to come out to my wife after 18 1/2 years of marriage before I completely lost it from self-loathing, anguish and loneliness. I thought we might be able to keep the marriage together, but she had other ideas and served me with divorce papers 6 days after I broke the news to her.

Up until about early last month, I had been trying to be a "good Catholic" and live a "monastic" life...yeah, RIGHT!! However, after a lot of soul-searching and just plain being sick of hating myself for my sexuality, I one day simply decided that enough is enough and that I had to quit beating myself up and find a love in my life. I outed myself to my oldest two weeks ago Monday and to my younger son and daughter two weeks ago tonight. Being my age, I naturally assumed my kids would have a hard time with the news, at least at first. Instead, my oldest boy's reaction was a "don't be ridiculous, Dad" smirk. He said "It's OK, Dad, you're my Dad, you'll always be my Dad, and I'll always love you no matter what." He even said he knows a number of gay and bi kids at school. My middle boy is ever the quiet one and just sat there nodding his head "Yes" or shaking his head "No". He seemed to know a bit about what being gay means, but she said she wasn't really sure. I told her that being gay is when men are attracted to other men and women are attracted to other women. As I was talking to her about her dad being gay, her brother got up off the couch and stood next to me quietly until I finished my explanation to her. He then wrapped his arms around my neck, rested his head on my shoulder and said "I love you, Daddy." His sister then climbed into my lap, hugged me tight and snuggled up against me quietly.

Last weekend, I attended my 30 year college reunion at Texas A&M and have also outed myself to my college buds. Their responses of love and support for their buddy pretty much overpowered me and I had myself a good cry of relief and happiness.

I've been contacted by a number of gay guys from gay men's forums and groups on the web with their expressions of support and offers of friendship, too! All of this in what has really been an astonishingly short period of time since I'd decided to make a clean break with my self-imposed "hell on earth" and step out of the closet once and for all. With this crushing burden lifted, I now feel that I can actually love my family and friends more wholeheartedly than ever before....now that I've finally begun to learn to love myself.

I'll always love my straight buddies dearly, but having found Gay Fatherhood and other places where I can begin to develop friendships with other gay men - gay dads, especially - has given me hope that I can build another circle of friends with whom I can share. Who knows, maybe even a guy my age can find himself a lover and a partner one day!! I'm sure hoping so, cuz I'm one emotional kinda guy, who needs to love and be loved!!

Boy, am I ever thankful to have found a place like Gay Fatherhood....

Thanks and warm regards,

Sam

P.S. - RWL, MDL and EML are my kids' initials.

OK, guess I'm a phony, but I just changed my "name" on GF from "Gay Dad RWL_MDL_EML" to "Sam in Bartlesville". Not because I've decided to de-emphasize my kids, but because I just want to be who I am and not hide behind some kind of anonymous "handle". Russell, Matthew, Elizabeth, you know your Dad loves you so very much....

Sam (formerly Gay Dad...), and proud of it....proud of my family...proud of my friends....and, finally after all these years, proud to be me. Yes, a gay man, but so much more than just that!

Hi Sam,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It has a similar parrallel to my own experience of coming out. I, like you have 3 kids...an adopted gay son who is 24, a 16 year old daughter and 13 year old son. Like you, my kids are highly supportive. I think my oldest son being gay, also, helped in the younger kids finding acceptance.

Like you, I have come from a very religious background. I, too, have struggled with the spiritual aspect of being gay and being loved and accepted by GOD. I don't think I have as much problem with GOD as I do with God's People!!!

Congratulations on being set free to be who you are meant to be. It's extremely freeing ! I know from experience.

If you ever want to chat...Hit me up!!

Again Congrats !!!

Hey, Sam! This is David. Welcome to GF. I have three kids of similar ages, 16, 14 and 11, but mine are all boys.

Many aspects of your story I can relate to as well. Though my background wasn't Catholic, I was in school to go into the ministry during my early married years.

And yes, isn't it amazing when the burden and fears all are lifted. Or at least when the worst happens (I did lose some of my family and church contacts, but oh well), you know then that you are still alive and now at least there is nothing left to fear. All the boogiemen have been beaten.

And my oldest son was nine when I first told him that his father was in love with another man. I've told the story here before, but basically he gave the same sort of reaction your kids did. It's a different world that they are growing up in. Not fully as good as it could be, but it's better and more accepting of gays than it was when we were in school.

Anyway, I'm off to visit the kids, go to my favorite nephew's wedding with the ex-wife and all. It's kinda funny; she and I get along better than most of the rest of my family do. Always entertaining. The only thing more interesting is when my partner, Brian joins us, as he did for my sister's wedding. I can't tell you what a joy it was to see my old Baptist missionary father part the crowd, pass right by me, and walk up to Brian to shake his hand and welcome him to the family. Things are still strained at times, but life is so much better without that false guilt the church controls us with.

God bless and welcome!
David

Thanks for the warm welcome, Jeff and David! Sorry to have taken so long, but got too busy in general I guess. I tell you, guys, it sure is wonderful being able to be who I've really always been for the first time in 50 years!

Earlier this week, I got a surprise call from an older cousin of mine. She's the oldest of all the cousins from my mom and her three sisters and, naturally, I'm the youngest! Nan turned 65 this year when I reached 52 so she was 13 when I was born and has always been like the big sister that I never had. When I was a baby and my family would visit hers, she'd take care of me and change my diapers - guess in a way, she's like a second mom to me as well.

Anyway, we were catching up on the phone since we hadn't seen or talked to each other since July '06 - about a month after my divorce was final. I asked her how her heart was, to which she replied "OK, as far as I know". I then proceeded to tell about my ex, Nancy, having divorced me because I'd outed myself to her as a gay man. Once again, a "barrier" that was all in my own mind fell when she said, "That's OK, sweetheart! I still love you very much!" She later said, "Sam, I always kind of had a feeling you might be gay and that's what kind of surprised me when I first heard you were getting married to Nancy" (back in 1987).

Just wanted to share with you guys another chapter in "The Saga of Sam's Coming-Out"...LOL!

Warm regards,

Sam

Hi Sam: I'm Tim in Minnesota, and I also have three kids and was married almost 14 years. My story is a lot like yours as well, except that I grew up Baptist. When we live with a secret like that, it's normal to feel like we're the only one, but look at how similar our stories are! There's nothing wrong with us, and I do believe we can still find love. I know I'm not ready to give up on it! I had a very similar experience coming out to my kids. My oldest son said what yours said in almost the exact words.

Thanks for sharing your story!

Tim